On Friday, Rachel Maddow covered the conservative movement's latest desperate attempt to pin something nefarious on President Obama. Since this stuff matters a lot to Republicans, I'm launching the President Obama Conspiracy Generator in an effort to be more bipartisan.
With the surprising news that Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh is retiring comes a great opportunity to share political conspiracy theories.
I'm not a fan of conspiracy theories, especially the "9/11 Truth" movement (nice smackdown here) or anything promoted by Alex Jones and/or Jesse Ventura. But since everyone is scratching their heads over Bayh's retirement, I thought I would weigh in with some rampant speculation that, while most likely wrong, is still fun for political junkies to think about.
What evidence do I have to back this up?
Yes, I just cited Neil Cavuto citing "the blogs." At least it's more compelling than "What About BUIL - DING - SEV - EN?! You must be AN AGENT!!!"
Notice how Bayh claimed that he was focusing "like a laser on middle class economic issues" right after he proclaimed his undying love for a budget deficit fetish that stands directly in the way of the bold jobs initiatives the middle class needs? Classic Bayh.
If you don't see how ACORN's all - powerful network of earned income tax credit - supporting operatives framed this great young patriot, you are a Socialist Fascist.
Tonight, Teabaggers everywhere are thrilled about the election of Republican Scott Brown to the Senate. If you run into a jubilant right - winger, consider using this cathartic line from Tombstone.
(starts at 2:15)
"I know. Let's have a spelling contest."
Congratulations, Teabaggers. You played a role in this stunning "vicktoree" for the Republican Party.
My name is Alexander Q. Nottingshire III and I have once again invaded your Twittersphere. I'm here to refute some of the things I've heard said about my fellow conservatives.
"Conservatives will say virtually anything if they think it might weaken President Obama politically."
So I'm a Birther, Deather, and a Ghoster... big deal. All I'm saying is that William Ayers was actually working on President Obama's next book while vacationing in Obama's native Kenya... while little ACORN elves assisted him (they had already finished silencing everyone who has seen the REAL birth certificate). Then Sarah Palin heard about it, got into her helicopter and picked up Chuck Norris, who repelled down into the Kenyan village / complex / den of evil, karaticized the ACORN elves, uncovered and destroyed the details of the president's plan to kill the elderly, chased Ayers away, and planted an American flag (tea - stained, of course) in the dirt... in accordance with prophecy.
"The media props up the right - wing."
Not so.
All we have is a right - wing talking point factory in Fox "News"... and Ron Fournier 's AP... and most of POLITICO... and Mr. Conventional Wisdom himself Mark Halperin... and many others. Look, all you need to know is that there is a raging bias in the media against conservatives!
Please disregard Chip Reid's "Yo Barack, I'm really happy for you... I'ma let you finish... but Ronald Reagan was one of the best presidents of all time!" moment.
"Conservatives are Christians of convenience."
Not true.
Though it would be helpful if we forgot about this Jesus character and all of his talk of looking out for each other and the downtrodden and replaced him with Eternal President Ronald W. Reagan. Explaining ourselves would be so much easier.
The public option is coming up for a vote in the Senate Finance Committee today. This may seem like something to mobilize around, but it really is time to to defer to the policy genius that is Kent Conrad.
Conrad has trumped us, and there is nothing we can do about it. It was well established during the Bush years that a progressive Democrats immediately lose an argument anytime their opponent invokes France. It doesn't matter whether what they say actually makes any sense. At the mere mention of the country, the game is over. There is no counter. The France Card is the political equivalent of the Chewbacca Defense. After it's been used against you, the best thing to do is admit defeat and walk away.
While channeling Nostradumbass this morning, I clearly saw the future and what I saw was the Republican response to President Obama's prime time Health Care speech that he will deliver to a rare joint session of Congress this evening.
There was no doubt that the document was already completed even prior to the President giving this speech and that it was the official Republican Response, as it was written in a not-gay shade of blue crayon and was adorned by the TeaBagger Stamp of 'Proval!
To see the text of the Republican response as I remember it, check below the fold.
"The facts are simple," says Charles K. Johnson, president of the International Flat Earth Research Society. "The earth is flat."
"Nobody knows anything about the true shape of the world," he contends. "The known, inhabited world is flat.
[...]
the stars are about as far as San Francisco is from Boston."
As shown in a map published by Johnson, the known world is as circular and as flat as a phonograph record. The North Pole is at the center.
Or if you heard this loudly stated Opinion, would you think, "Well, They have a Right to their Opinions"
Mr. Johnson, who called himself the last iconoclast, regarded scientists as witch doctors pulling off a gigantic hoax so as to replace religion with science. He based his own ideas on the Old Testament references to a flat earth
